ComputorITTES give you COMPUTERITIS

Computeritis  

I like the early mornings. I like the silence. There are few demands. Just when I starting thinking again of the purity of the mornings and how they are a gift from God, I  turn on the computer.

Having fed my senior cats and the litter box cleaned and everything washed and sterilized once again, I went to the gray monster. My cup of java is filled with my luscious morning jolt and I clicked on that sucker, to check the emails! As compared to some of the high tech speedy: apples, snapples, pads, ipads, pods, shomds ipods, laps, black, red or green berries, “smart phones.” My computer is considered to be a dinosaur.

Computittes, is the Christian word for those who are knee deep in Cyberland. I am convinced that these people know what they are doing because they were born that way. They must be illegal aliens from an undiscovered planet near a black hole. I have no doubt, Morgan Freeman will be talking about them on the Science Channel in the not too distant future.  They breathe in mirco answers. They speak in computa-rese, where no man can “goeth.” When they turn on a computer they know exactly what is happening in detail. They think in terms of “getting more memory” or “replacing your hard drive” for your computer. This is why I call them our modern day Computittes as compared to Hittites or Canaanites. Better known as geeks or computer guru’s in the world’s language.  

Not if, but when I have problems with my computer and talk to one of these Computittes and he/she starts to give me instructions. Such as:

 “Go to your tools and then click on options etc” I say, Hey! Hold on there a minute, I don’t have an options on my computer or I don’t have a automatic pop up blocker. What? Where do I find it? And, “it isn’t working.”   “No, it still isn’t working., “Nope, that isn’t working either” and where do I find that?”  “What is that?” “Well, I don’t think I did that!” “Why is this happening, how did this happen?” “What did I do now?” 

Then I have problems communicating on the phone with one of those Computittes because when they answer the phone, they say:

“Goo Mor-ing, ths s Amadizquieous- your –tec- hlp and I wl b hre to hp yu.”

OH REALLY NOW!!  As I try to do the Christian thing: I lift up a small prayer: “Lord please help me.”

I say; “I am sorry but I did not understand what you just said.”

“Goo Mor-ing, ths s Amadizqueous your tec hlp and I wl be hre to hp yu.”

“I am sorry, but I do not understand you.”

And, so it goes. Later on I am NOT SORRY anymore! I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE! I AM TIRED OF THE COMPUTITTES AND TIRED OF THEM RUNNING ALL THEIR WORDS TOGETHER IN A VERY POLITE WAY! Why can’t they get mad like the rest of us healthy people here in America who drink too much coffee by their computer? How can they keep running their words together like that and expect you to understand? I need a Translater! I need God!

I have come to the realization that Computeritis is when you recognize how your computer has the defiant audacity to attempt to impose its will over my want. As yet, there is no known pill or cure for Computeritis.

I guess the best advice to myself is to just enjoy my mornings and give the computer a break and say a literal “Hello” to a real person who isn’t walking with a machine in their palm.